Top Ten: Laughter is the Best Medicine

10. Off the Charts: Absurd Autocorrects:

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

9. Doctors operate on their own terms:

Idioms particular to the medical profession: Botulism: a tendency to make mistakes Intestine: currently taking an exam.

8. Patients’ Takes on Modern Medicine:

“Today 4 out of 5 doctors recommend another doctor.” “We used to take life with a grain of salt. Now it’s with 5 mg of Valium.”

7. It Must Be Right, It’s in the Chart:

Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia. Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection. Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid.

6. Art of Medicine Redefined:

Fibrillate: to tell lies. Alimentary: what Holmes said to Watson. Hallucinoma: a mass seen on a scan or x-ray that wasn't really there.

5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Telling signs on office doors:

Maternity: “Push. Push. Push.” Endoscopy: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”

4. Out-takes from actual chart notes:

Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-lb weight gain in the past 3 days.

3. 5 Signs an HMO is Cutting Costs:

1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines. 2. Use of antibiotics deemed an “unauthorized experimental procedure.” 3. Exam room has a tip jar.

2. Did I Really Say That? More bloopers/blunders from charts:

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better. Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

1. Medicine for the Millennia: A Concise History.

2000 BC: Here, eat this root. 1000 AD: That root is heathen! Here, say this prayer. 1865 AD: That prayer is superstition! Here, drink this potion.